Puddle of mudddd.

I like to organise. I like to budget. I like control.

Because out there... outside of my room, I have no control.

and it scares the SHIT outta me.

Apathy at it's FINEST.

I'm in a weird place right now.
I want to drive fast. I want to throw it all away.
I want to be drunk and sleep.
I just can't give two fucks right now.

Please give us 5 minutes alone.

Have you ever woken up and realised there aren't much people out there that care that you actually woke up?

Have you ever tried to go back to sleep and realise you need someone to hold you, but there's no one there.

Just the cold side of the bed.

Sometimes.

Sometimes it's hard to tell is you really look like a size ten or if people are just being nice.

Sometimes it's hard to tell whether what you're feeling is pain or whether, because of the numbness, any feeling at all automatically means pain. Is this hurting? Or is it all in my head?

Sometimes it's hard to say no when you know there won't be anyone there to back you up.

Sometimes it's hard to smile when your mouth won't move that way.

I can hear my phone ringing when it's not.

Sometimes being alone can destroy us. Other times it can make us stronger. It's becomes confusing when we don't know how lonliness is affecting us.

Until it's too late.

Fuck the baby boomers.

I don't get why I get the stink eye from older ladies.

It's only while I'm driving. I'm not a bad driver. I'm not a good driver either but I don't deserve the shit I get from old ladies.

Is that how they treat all P platers? No need to be condescending towards us because of that 10cm x 10cm square on our windscreens.

Yeah, ok, my music is a little loud, yeah ok the lyrical content tends to be about death. Deal with it.

I vow to never suck as an adult. So far... so good.

All I need, is someone to save me 'cause I am going down.

I'm scared that my last relationship only existed because I resembled the person he was really in love with. I'm scared that I'm still getting over it. I'm scared that I'm alone again and what that will mean to my mental processes. I'm scared that I'm working in retail again. I'm scared that I'm not moving. I'm scared that my parents will use all the money. I'm scared I'm spending too much of it. I'm scared that I don't have savings in my account. I'm scared that I won't make it to uni.
I'm scared that I've started getting chest pains again and I'm scared that I can't fix them.
I'm scared to wake up if I have nothing planned for the day. I'm scared of myself when I'm by myself. I don't know what I'll do. Is that a wrong reason to want someone?