There is something.

Numerology. I've always found it fascinating that when you add and divide and subtract numbers, you can be left with the same number all the time. And I didn't realise this was an actual study, I thought it was just me getting bored. If I was bored I could add the numbers in peoples birthdays and derive it down so that is was one single digit and that was their lucky number (of course the actual study of numerology is a little more detailed) and then I would try and find some kind of similarity between their 'lucky' number and the original birth date. I picked up a book today explaining all about Pythagorean Numerology. Most of my numbers end up being 9. My life path number, how ever is 27 (2+7=9). Can you fucking believe it? I've been obsessed with that number ever since I heard that there was a Club 27. Numerology. Something I can see myself believing because it wouldn't involve putting my faith in something that doesn't exist. Numerology is about understanding and interpretation and it doesn't have 10 commandments or a special calendar. It basically analyses you as a person and so far it's been right about me.

I can't remember if I've mentioned this topic before but I am completely and utterly sick of worrying about how my body looks. Sure, I don't like it and if I were a guy I wouldn't give me a second look. The point is, I have WAY more to offer than a 'hot bod'. I see people talking about how much weight they want to lose, some of those people I used to share this exact opinion with, it's amazing how much people change when you're not looking. If you're healthy, eating and walking I don't think it matters what you look like, we most definitely shouldn't be starving ourselves or purging everything that enters our mouths. It's unnatural. Womanly women are more attractive as far as I'm concerned and generally, they're the most confident in them selves, their looks and their sexuality. You won't see an anorexic, compulsive gym bunny saying how happy she is with her body. You'd be fighting a losing battle if you let that little voice in your head get the best of you. Sure, just lose 10 kilos, then perhaps 10 isn't enough, lose 10 more. It won't end. If YOU can't accept yourself for WHO you are and WHAT you look like, you never will. And neither will anyone else.

I learnt that. So now, fuck everyone that wants to look down on me because I enjoy wine and biscuits. Screw all the people that judge others on how much they throw up in a week. At least all the dumb idiots will have starved themselves to death or at least made themselves infertile so their genes won't spread.